How do I get over the fact I'm not married, it's eating me up after almost 11 years together?

I'm 35 today and it's hit me again like a thunderbolt, I think what triggered it was my birthday card..it looks line the rest, a generic card that doesn't say wife, not even partner or girlfriend! We've been together almost 11 years and I feel it's too late now. We have 2 children together and my daughter from a previous relationship. I've never made it a secret how I wanted it to be, he knows my views on marriage and we've had the conversation but part of me feels like I'm being fobbed off, he tells me what I want to hear but the actions never come and it's wearing me down. I don't want to ask him (I'm traditional) but my options have ran out now, by that I've tried subtle hints like him not having parental responsibility over the kids (born before 2003 law changed) I have no security, the house is his and I'm not on the mortgage, this is due to me still having a joint mortgage with my ex at the time he bought this one. My house sold less than a year into moving but he never added me to it and when I ask he says it is my house too! I even suggested a cohabitation agreement but after looking into it, it wasn't really worth the paper it's written on and didn't cover everything a marriage would. I don't feel complete and I'm labelled a spinster. My friends have even asked in front of me (without me prompting them) and he gives half baked answers then changes the subject. I even joined in the last time by saying all I'm good for is spitting kids out and cleaning up after them! He's perfect in every other way but this black cloud of bitterness is stopping me from enjoying life because I feel like an outcast! We've even been to other people's weddings and I tried so hard to look happy for them but on the inside I was crying. Am I being petty, expecting too much, being a doormat or being punished for something? All advice greatly received!